I think I care too deeply sometimes
More than others seem to care
Their lives mean so much to me
But I feel like their life would go on just the same without me

I feel like I could leave and they wouldn't see
I feel like they just don't know
That life is fleeting and gone so quickly
And that it's okay, they can give me their heart for safekeeping.

I wish that they would hold my heart
The same way I would hold theirs
Treasuring it
every second I'm alive

I want to make a difference in this world
So that they'll see
The traces of my soul
Left in the creases and corners of every place I've been

I hope that when I'm gone
They'll think of me every time they see the sky
Because it will remind them
That I loved the sky

I care deeply
So much more
Than they could care for me

flawed.

My skin has always had these marks
My eyes have always drifted slightly apart
My smile will never be perfect
These are my flaws

Sometimes the words that come from my mouth
Aren't the same thoughts I wished to say aloud
My words will never be perfect
These are my flaws

I might never be someone you can love
I'm still trying to be someone I can love
Don't mind me, I'm just bandaging the wounds made from my thoughts
I'm not perfect, these are my flaws.

My mind repeats like a broken record, "I cannot be enough."
I've heard it so many times I've convinced myself as much
I know I'll never be perfect
These are my flaws

Maybe one day I'll learn to ignore the whispers of my mind
Maybe one day I'll see beyond the bruises left behind
To find
One's flaws
Can never touch
The core of their soul

My soul is fine.

I'll be fine.

I might never be someone you can love
But I am someone I can love
Don't mind me, I'm just healing the wounds left from my thoughts
I'm not perfect, these are my flaws.

"Flaws" an original song.

so many thoughts

I always forget I have this place to put my thoughts. Sometimes, I have too many thoughts that it just doesn't work to only scribble them out into a notebook. Sometimes, I like the idea of my thoughts perhaps being heard, but I'm too afraid of sharing them with everyone. That's why I like this place. A blog that no one reads, but I can still have the comfort of knowing that perhaps somebody might stumble across it someday and read a word or two. I'm also slightly terrified someone might stumble across it and read a word or two. This won't prevent me from sharing a few thoughts anyways. I have a lot of thoughts. I think a lot of things. I need to get better at remembering to share a few of those things on here, so I'll try.

my favourite human

I'm a jealous person — unintentionally of course. It's something I'm working on.
But I'm not jealous of you.
(I guess that means you really are my favourite human.)
I'm overwhelmed with joy when I hear about your own joy;
Your new group of friends,
Your boy you found who adores you,
 Your new adventures.
It makes me smile when I see that you're happy.
(I guess this is what real friendship is.)

I'm an anxious person — unintentionally of course. It's something I'm working on.
I'm anxious about you and me.
(I guess that means you really are my favourite human.)
I'm anxious when I hear about
Your new group of friends,
Your boy you found who adores you,
Your new adventures.
I'm anxious when I see that you're happy.
(Is this what real friendship is?)

I don't want to be
forgotten
I hope it's not my
fault
I should have been a better
friend
I want to remain your
favourite human.

A Grey Brick Wall

I've hidden in front of this grey brick wall for a long time.

People say the grey wall is my signature, I say it was the tool I used in my ever lasting search for validation from people who like aesthetic grey brick walls and a girl posing with nice outfits in front of it.

 

I'm finding a new background. I'm learning that life is beyond the grey brick wall, that life is beyond my instagram page, and it's beyond my image.

These past few weeks I'm learning to live, not document.

Goodbye, grey brick wall. This is the last my camera will see of you.

12-12-16 Playlist

Apres Moi - Regina Spektor, Begin to Hope

Cheap Thrills - Sia, This is Acting

Gold - Imagine Dragons, Smoke + Mirrors

Trouble - Cage the Elephant, Tell Me I'm Pretty

We Are the Champions - Queen

The Middle - Jimmy Eat World, Bleed American

1, 2, 3, 4 - Plain White T's, Big Bad World

Look On Up - Relient K

 

 Not ready for Christmas music yet. I might never be, to be honest. These songs have no relevance to each other except that I have them all going through my head on repeat.

oxymoron.

something cold and soft fell on her

almost too soft to feel, so cold you could feel

and she wondered

how such an oxymoron could exist

cold and soft, harsh and gentle

and her wonder was comfort

for she knew if such an oxymoron could exist

                                           she could exist too.